To eliminate the behavior that you don’t want and encourage the behavior that you do want, a discipline plan is essential. Research shows that how well timeouts work depends on the effectiveness of the time you spend creating the overall discipline plan (Kazdin, 2013).

Timeouts are only one aspect of the plan that you should develop. After all, discipline meanstraining and implies learning; both are processes, not one-shot deals. A child does not learn to tie his shoes the first time he is shown either. Training of any kind requires an action plan that has been thought through prior to the training and with steps to enact the training.

Take these steps when creating your discipline plan:

• Identify the problem behavior (hitting, refusing to clean up, etc.).
• Identify the desired behavior, or, “positive opposite” of the problem behavior, to take its place (keeping your hands to yourself, putting the toys away when asked, etc.).
• Reinforce the desired behavior with praise, contact, and other rewards.
• Specify the consequences to be expected when the problem behavior occurs. This is where timeouts fit within the discipline plan.   Your child must know what the consequences of the undesired behavior will be (e.g., a timeout, and where and how long the timeout will be).
• Enforce the specified consequences when the problem behavior occurs – every time. This is when consistency is crucial

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The more frequently and regularly you reinforce the desired behavior, and the more consistently and effectively you use timeouts when the problem behavior occurs, the more quickly your child will regularly engage in the desired behavior and not the problem behavior.

Of course, the cornerstone of effective discipline plans, and the key to effective behavior management, is a warm connected relationship with your child. Talk with your child about behaviors, feelings, and expectations. Connect with your child through hugs, smiles, and attentive listening, and support of your child’s accomplishments. These actions and a well-thought-out discipline plan including correct and appropriate use of timeouts can contribute to that relationship.

Why don’t timeouts always work this way? Many people misunderstand what timeouts should do and how to use them.

6 Myths about Timeouts Parents Should Ignore

1. Timeouts will result in good behavior. Timeouts are merely a tool that interrupts undesired behavior. Use a complete discipline plan that includes tools for teaching and reinforcing the desired behavior in order to get the desired results

2. Timeouts give my child time to think about what he has done. The purpose of a timeout is to remove the child from all reinforcement, immediately stopping the behavior. Keep your timeouts brief and then transition back to opportunities for reinforcement. Sending your child to his room long enough to think about what he has done is not a timeout.

3. The amount of time for the timeout should fit the seriousness of the problem behavior. Using longer timeouts might teach your child about justice (the time should fit the crime), but it won’t help change the behavior leading you to give your child a timeout in the first place. Timeouts are not about right and wrong; they are about stopping reinforcement. In fact, “timeout” is a shortened version of the technique’s full name, “time out from reinforcement.”

4. Timeouts are too mild. Matching the discipline to the severity of the problem behavior may also teach your child about justice, but it will not change the behavior leading to the timeout. Use timeouts to stop problem behavior. A comprehensive discipline plan including timeouts is an effective tool for changing problem behaviors.

5. Placing your child in a timeout shows the child who is in control. Timeouts remove reinforcement, and that is all. But discipline is not about exerting your will over the child, although it may feel like this is necessary in the moment of the problem behavior. Discipline is about teaching your child desired behavior.

6. Physically forcing my child into a timeout is OK. If you have to physically restrain or force your child into timeout, you are doing it wrong, and the timeout won’t work. This reinforces all the wrong behaviors, and often increases the child’s misbehavior.

Remember that a timeout is a break in reinforcement. Timeouts do not teach desired behaviors. But used as part of a larger discipline plan built on a connected relationship with your child, timeouts can be effective for eliminating problem behavior.