3:50:56 
2023-09-26 
176
I assume that your teenage child has made all the mistakes, and I know that this is difficult to accept. Suppose, then, that he had committed one or two of them and that things had gotten worse; He cannot refuse to go with his friends, or assume that he has contracted a disease through the use of narcotic substances, or that he is about to be expelled from school. Would you rather have him come to you for advice or not?
Of course you prefer this – no question, you really want to help him, but are you sure he'll tell you later? How will he decide whether to tell you or not? The answer is: He will judge your response based on what happened in previous situations when he happened to make a mistake – likely trivial mistakes; Like that time when he spilled paint on the bedroom carpet, or that time when he told you that he would return from the party in a friend's car and then you learned that he had snooped to get into a stranger's car.
What was your reaction at the time? Did you shout at him and fill the world with screams while telling him how much he let you down and that you will never trust him again? Or did you discuss the matter with him seriously and calmly and explained to him the reason for your concern?
Yelling and screaming and telling him that he let you down may be your right, but it will have the exact opposite effect of what you want. If you want your child to come to you when he has a problem, he must be aware that you will deal with the matter seriously, but without yelling at him or reprimanding him? You may not like this, but that's the way things are. You must have felt the same way when you were a teenager; If your father shouts at you a lot, I bet you that you have not told them half of what your friend - who has quiet parents - told his parents.
Your child probably knows that he did something really stupid and wrong, and he may feel ashamed and embarrassed by it, and in this case he does not need you to shout at him and further humiliate him. If you act calmly and do not belittle him, he may be truly grateful to you, and this puts points in your favor the next time another problem occurs.
Remember, your children will judge your reaction by the way you respond to small problems that arise today, tomorrow and the next month. Once your children reach a certain age, the way you raise them must completely change. You cannot keep telling them what to do and what to avoid. You must transform into the role of guide and advisor, and when your children reach the age of eighteen, you will be able to treat them as adults. Of course, as long as they are in your home, the house rules will prevail over everyone, and this applies to everyone, whether they are your friends or even your parents. You have no control over what your children do with their lives, so don't pretend it is. This fact will apply to them - once they reach their mid-teens, so stop yelling and start talking to them like adults. This may be difficult, but it is the only successful method.
Once your children reach a certain age, the way you raise them must completely change.
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