To those who are married - Marriage life is amazing. It’s beautiful to come home from work and your wife is there to greet you. She is the closest person to you and one of the most beloved. Now if you are not married yet inshallah you’ll experience that life soon. But for you husbands, please pay attention.

You (the husband) work morning to night to make ends meet in order to buy your wife the things she needs, likes and take her on beautiful vacations... basically to make her happy.

Now at times, there are misunderstandings that happen between the two couple, which is normal, it happens. But for some, unfortunately, they take it too far and start abusing their wives.

They think that this way they are showing “who’s the man” in the house.

Four days ago on November 25, the United Nation’s International Day has dedicated this day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

In this article we would like to focus on something really important in the world, and that is violence against women or domestic violence to see its effects, how to emilinate, as well as the Islamic point of view.

Violence against women and girls (VAWG) is one of the most widespread, persistent and devastating human rights violations in our world today remains largely unreported due to the impunity, silence, stigma and shame surrounding it.

The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women issued by the UN General Assembly in 1993, defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.”

Some examples are:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence against women often occurs over a period of time. Victims will experience a range of emotions, including fear, uncertainty and stress. This also impacts upon victim’s self-esteem and confidence, all of which can make leaving an abusive relationship a frightening step.

What are the effects of violence against women?

The effects are wide ranging and will differ for all victims. In some cases, God forbid, the impact is fatal and this has happened.

The obvious physical effects can include, physical injury such as cuts, bruising, broken bones etc.

However, with that comes the not so obvious, the hidden emotional sufferings which sometimes are more harmful than the physical ones. Fear, confusion, uncertainty, worry for their children, instability and anxiety all of which destroy the poor woman from the inside.

How about the children?

Listen to this: Violent juvenile offenders are four times more likely to have grown up in homes where they saw violence. Children who have witnessed violence at home are also five times more likely to commit or suffer violence when they become adults.

Let’s look at facts about violence against women Around the World

Out of ten counties surveyed in a 2005 study by WHO, more than 50 percent of women in Bangladesh, Ethiopia, Peru and Tanzania reported having been subjected to physical or sexual violence by intimate partners. Only in one country (Japan) did less than 20 percent of women report incidents of violence or abuse.

Now if you know someone who is being abused, this is what you should do, according to womenshealth.org:

Knowing or thinking that someone you care about is in a violent relationship can be very hard. You may fear for her safety — and maybe for good reason. You may want to rescue her or insist she leave, but every adult must make her own decisions.

Each situation is different, and the people involved are all different too. Here are some ways to help a woman one who is being abused:

• Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won’t be distracted or interrupted.
• Let her know you’re concerned about her safety. Be honest. Tell her about times when you were worried about her. Help her see that abuse is wrong. She may not respond right away, or she may even get defensive or deny the abuse. Let her know you want to help and will be there to support her in whatever decision she makes.
• Be supportive. Listen to her. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Tell her that she is not alone and that people want to help. If she wants help, ask her what you can do.
• Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help her with child care, or to provide transportation, for example.
• Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on her. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.” Tell her you understand that her situation is very difficult.
• Encourage her to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court.
• Encourage her to do things outside of the relationship. It’s important for her to see friends and family.
• If she decides to leave, continue to offer help. Even though the relationship was abusive, she may feel sad and lonely once it is over. She may also need help getting services from agencies or community groups.
• Let her know that you will always be there no matter what. It can be very frustrating to see a friend or loved one stay in an abusive relationship. But if you end your relationship, she has one less safe place to go in the future. You cannot force a person to leave a relationship, but you can let them know you’ll help, whatever they decide to do.

Because every woman has the right to live her life safely and free of violence.

Now let’s see what the religion of Islam says about violence against women.

As soon as this topic is discussed those who claim that Islam is pro violence against woment, jump straight to chapter 4 verse 34 of the Holy Quran. The verse that is misunderstood by many people.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.; Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.; As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds, (and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).” (4:34)

First and foremost, this verse needs two clarifications. One, it doesn’t apply to any women, but to ONLY those women who are “rebellious” to their husbands in acts of immorality, such as vulgarity, adultery, and fornication. Second, the issue of hitting is a mere symbolic tapping of the hand as a serious gesture of unhappiness from the husband towards the wife, for her disobediences in the morality of the household, because it’s an issue of integrity of the family, which the husband is responsible to maintain the honor and respect of it.

Therefore, it is not a permission for the husband to “abuse” this verse of the Quran to his advantage and use force against his wife for every kind of rejections from his wife.

There are numerous narrations of the Prophet (pbuh) which clearly discourage and even prohibit beating, hitting, and use of any brutal force against wives, such that would cause bodily harm or injuries. He, being the role model for all husbands, himself never resorted to such a measure with any of his wives, speaks volumes of his character as a husband which all men should emulate.

Allah says in 2:231 “Retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. But do not retain them to their hurt so that you transgress (the limits). If anyone does that he wrongs his own soul. Do not take God’s instructions as a jest.”

Hence the best advice that can be given is take care of your wives. Love them. Trust me they will love you too.