Dealing with a Manipulative Person
4:20:24 2024-05-21 211

1- Know that it's all right to say "no." A person will continue to manipulate you as long as you allow him to. You need to say "no" to protect your well being. Look in the mirror and practice saying, "No, I cannot help you with that," or, "No, that isn't going to work for me."  You must stand up for yourself, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

  • You should not feel guilty about saying "no." It is your right to do so.
  • You can politely say no. When a manipulator asks you to do something, try: "I'd love to, but I'm too busy in the upcoming months," or, "Thanks for asking, but no."


2- Set boundaries. The manipulator who finds everything unfair and falls to pieces, they are attempting to gain your sympathy in order to use it to further their own needs. In this case, the manipulator will rely on a sense of "helplessness" and will seek financial, emotional, or other forms of help from you. Look out for attitudes and comments like, "You are the only one I have," and "I have no one else to talk to," etc. You are not obligated or equipped to meet this person's needs all of the time.


3- Avoid blaming yourself. The manipulator will try to make you feel inadequate. Remember that you are being manipulated to feel bad about yourself, and you are not the problem. When you begin to feel bad about yourself, recognize what is happening and put your feelings in check.

  • Ask yourself, "Is the person treating me with respect?" "Does this person have reasonable requests and expectations of me?" "Is this a one-sided relationship?" "Do I feel good about myself in this relationship?"
  • If the answer to these questions is "no," the manipulator is likely the problem in the relationship, not you.

 


4- Be assertive. Manipulators often twist and distort facts to make themselves appear more attractive. When responding to a fact distortion, seek clarification. Explain that this is not how you remembered the facts and that you're curious to get a better understanding. Ask the person simple questions about when you both agreed to an issue, how they believed the approach was formed, etc. When you meet on common ground again, take this as the new starting point, not their distorted one.

 

5- Listen to yourself. It is very important to listen to yourself and how you feel about the situation. Do you feel oppressed, pressured, obliged to do things for this person that you'd rather not do? Does his behavior seem to impact you endlessly, so that after one form of assistance, you are expected to grant yet more help and support? Your answers should serve as a true guide to where your relationship with this person is headed next.

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