3:55:39 
2023-10-22 
427
Before parents enter the battlefield, they must make a plan. It requires them to have basic knowledge of how to avoid and manage quarrels.
* Knowing what is worth fighting over
If the problem is a family problem, you have to take action. If it is a boy's problem, it is better to let him learn life's lessons alone. Children's problems are not worth the parents/child fighting over.
* Know the three basic learning keys
* Knowing the keys to reaching a solution: “neither victor nor loser”
Know what's worth fighting over
Responsible parents know that it is important to confront conflict and that children need to learn when to stand up for their rights.
What should parents fight about?
Parents quarrel with their children because these children want to do whatever they want, and the parents believe that their way of dealing is the correct one. This applies to the definition of quarreling over certain convictions. But before entering the battlefield, every preacher who wants to live another day must consider the nature of the battlefield, the condition of the opponent and the possibility of profit.
Most parents agree that they must fight for their values and what they believe in, so their children will grow up with a set of values that enable them to make responsible choices. But the biggest conflict may occur if children adopt the same parents' standards without allowing things to change. Look at the media, the speed of life, and the increasing precociousness of boys.
The American psychotherapist Foster Klein clearly distinguished between problems related to parents and problems related to children. He warned that parents have very little hope of winning the battle if it is related to problems related to children, so they should not enter the arena. Klein believes that children have responsibility and power over issues such as fighting with each other, grades in school, and choosing friends. But he believes that things like disrespect, doing or not doing household chores, vandalizing and destroying other people's property are something to be fought over.
Because entering a battle zone exposes one to discomfort, parents should always ask themselves, “Is it worth fighting over?”
How do you know whose problem it is?
If a problem occurs between children at school, then the child’s problem is with the other person, and the parents should not intervene, unless there is another child who is bullying him, in which case the parents should intervene.
If the boy is fighting with his brothers in the living room while the family is watching TV and the child is cursing, cursing, and spitting, then the problem is a family problem and they must intervene. It's the family's problem and it's worth fighting over.
The distinguishing mark that makes the issue a problem between the parents and the child is the way it affects the parents. If the problem directly affects the family, causing psychological and physical discomfort, or if the problem causes a violation of family values/moral values, then the problem is considered a family problem.
How should parents deal with a child’s problem?
It is inappropriate for parents to get angry because of problems related to the child. In this regard, Klein suggests four methods:
1- Show him that you are listening and understanding: “I know you have to go to the gym, but it's raining. It's really frustrating to be late and get there soaking wet.”
2- Leave things to take their natural course, so that the outcome will be a natural result of the course of the event. Do not save the boy: “You slept late and left your coat at school. You have to find the solution to your problem.”
3- Show him your love and care: “You deserve to play today because you trained hard and I am proud of your commitment.”
4- Ask the boy about the solution: ((What will you do?))
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