12:40:21 
2023-05-04 
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Imagine that you are cooking a meal for your family, and at the dining table everyone is silent. There is no “thank you” or even “the food smells great!” Think about how it feels to work overtime and not be thanked by your boss, and imagine that you are helping your neighbor and not getting a single word of gratitude. Imagine any day when a spouse, children, friends, neighbors, or colleagues didn't consider our efforts.
Children also need and look forward to attention. They always seem to have endless problems, so an infinite amount of attention is not enough to satisfy them. Your baby suddenly doesn't get as much of your attention and stops wanting more. Children's need the attention, and the care of adults is the key to increasing the behaviors you like and decreasing the ones you don't like.
Sometimes it seems as if a child would rather get negative attention when they have a problem than positive attention if they behave well. It is as if he does not know how to do anything else. If your child misbehaves more than he cooperates, it may be because he has discovered that the quickest way to get your attention is to do something you don't like.
In the hustle and bustle of life we live, we can't always remember - or find the time - to focus all our attention on the story the child wants to tell about the bug he found in the grass or the silly joke he always tells. if the children perform their tasks without making a sound or play with each other without conflict; We remain silent for fear of destroying the state of peace engulfing the place. Nor do we think of interrupting a child who is reading or playing alone to praise him, but if he is bad with his brother or hits the ball on the ceiling or uses bad words, we may hasten to lecture him or punish him. Every time we pay more attention to undesirable behavior than to desirable behavior, we train our children to seek punishment (as a form of attention) rather than seek praise (another form of attention).
And you can change this scale. Positive attention to behaviors you like encourages your child to perform these behaviors more often, and the more positive attention your child gets, the less he will seek punishment.
Let's take a behavior you like as an example. You hear your five-year-old play well with his friend, and they take turns. They are fair with each other, so they win and lose nicely. Here you can give both children your attention to reinforce this good behavior. You might say, "Joy, I was listening to you two playing together, and I liked the way you let Mark play first. And you, Mark, were so athletic when you lost." It was a difficult thing, but you handled it well.
In the same way that you can increase the frequency of behaviors you like by giving your child positive attention, you can reduce the occurrence of behaviors you don't like by distracting yourself from them.
One day I overheard Joey threatening Mark, saying, "I'm not going to be your best friend!" - In the past, you might run out to find out what's going on and you might tell Joey that you were disappointed to hear him say that to Mark - who might really be his best friend, and you might want to teach him a lesson about friendship. In fact, you could feel Joey's eyes turning towards you, seeing the look of displeasure he expected of you. But this time she resists that urge and leaves the two children alone. And a little later you find them playing well with each other without your help. And now you have to praise them for being able to settle their differences.
When you don't pay attention to your child, you remove the force that helps maintain the current behavior as a result of attention, and your child is less likely to do the behavior again.
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