Parenting expert Alfie Kohn makes a compelling case that homework actually doesn’t improve early learning. The majority of our children are unfortunate enough to be in schools that require homework. Parents are expected to make sure homework gets done, and kids who don’t do it are punished. Most parents find it difficult to motivate their children to do homework at least some of the time, and it’s no wonder that it’s hard for a child to see the value in this often-unpleasant task. Since homework is an integral part of school, our children should find the experience rewarding. How do we do that? By building it into daily homework expectations that our child can be proud of doing well. That requires our involvement. Here’s how:

* Stay informed. (What homework do you have to do tonight?) This question should be asked daily. You can’t expect a young child to find homework important if you don’t seem interested in what he or she is doing. Sometimes kids need your help to understand the task at hand, so you can avoid a bedtime meltdown when it turns out they have to undo what they’ve done and start over. I’m not suggesting that you play teacher and correct your child’s work, but rather that you understand what is required and support them in completing it. This also allows you to help your child learn to prioritize and manage projects they need to work on over time.

* Make homework a routine. Homework at the very least teaches your children the valuable skill of sitting down to do an unpleasant task. Like all habits, it works best if it happens at the same time every day. Since active outdoor play increases blood flow to the brain and helps children learn, you may want to let your child play for an hour to de-stress from school, then get to homework. However, children who have a hard time making that transition may or may not need to move homework out of the way. Putting off homework until after dinner when children are tired is also detrimental to them, as it prevents them from concentrating as easily and doing their best work.

* Know that your child will have feelings about homework from time to time and will need your help to process them. Emotionally coach your child using the tools in this chapter so that she can move past her fear and frustration and focus on schoolwork.

* Keep children close to you while they work, not in their rooms. Staying close helps your children stay focused. Most children work best when they are seated at the dining room table or living room desk with you present. Be available to answer questions, but do not distract your child with interruptions or engage in phone conversations nearby. You may need to sit with your child to keep her engaged on the task, working on your own papers but lending her your unwavering focus.

* Remove technology while children work. Minimize distractions by turning off the TV and radio, even if you enjoy them. As children get older, they will use computers to do homework, which can cause the same distraction problems as adults, magnified by their lack of experience. Defer that day for as long as possible, at least until your child is motivated to do homework.

* Provide as much support as necessary without taking over the work. Parents often ask how much help they should provide. My advice is to intervene as little as possible and as much as necessary, so that your child can do the work successfully. I don’t mean doing the homework, of course, but I mean supporting your child with whatever scaffolding is necessary so that she can do it on her own. For example, you could help your child learn to spell her words, and test her every week until she masters the skill on her own. If you have to sit with your seven-year-old while she writes each word ten times, do it. It’s not an exciting task at its core, but when it’s easy for her, she’ll be able to stay focused and do it on her own. Our job is to support our child in achieving the desired behavior, so that she sees herself as a child who can succeed, not one who always fails. Children want to succeed, but if we don’t support them to do their best, they may come to the conclusion that they simply can’t do it.