Remaining Calm when someone is shouting at you

9:35:40

2024-03-25

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1- Resist the urge to yell back. It’s natural to feel angry or upset when someone yells at you, but before you do anything you might later regret, try to keep yourself calm. Take a deep breath and slowly count to ten to help you manage your emotions. Remember, the less reactive you are, the more you can focus on de-escalating the situation.

Avoid criticizing the other person or getting defensive. Challenging them will only provoke them and make the situation worse.
In fact, being yelled at can provoke a “fight or flight” response in your body, making it hard for you to think and communicate properly.

2- Take a step back and assess the situation. If someone is yelling at you, it doesn’t mean you have to stand there and take it. Whether it’s a stranger, your boss, or your significant other, physically step back from the other person and decide if it’s best to walk away from them. Controlling your space and thinking about the steps you can take may help you stay calm and collected.

For instance, you might decide that walking away from your boss isn’t worth losing your job, but reflecting on your response may open other options, like asking them for a moment to collect your thoughts.
If you decide to remove yourself from the conversation, announce your decision as a statement (rather than a question). You might say, “I’m getting too worked up to have a productive discussion with you. I’m taking a break, but we can continue once I return.”

3- Tell yourself that you’re not responsible for the other person’s anger. Disengage from the situation to ensure that you don’t take things personally. The best way to do this is to empathize with the other person and acknowledge their anger. Focus on the pain in their face, and look at the desperation and frustration you see them experiencing.

Remember, yelling is usually a sign that the other person feels hurt, threatened, or that they haven't learned to effectively communicate their emotions.
Project peace in any way you can, but do not put on a mask of indifference. This can further anger the yeller, who may interpret it as teasing or patronizing. Instead, express genuine surprise at their attitude to show that their yelling is unwarranted.

4- Let the person know that you won't tolerate their yelling. While being accommodating may defuse the current situation, it may encourage the other person to repeat their behavior in the future. Even if you’re in the “wrong,” being yelled at is never appropriate—especially in the workplace. Instead, give a sincere apology and politely state your boundaries.

For example, you might say, “I am deeply sorry for my mistake in the paper. However, I feel uncomfortable with how you yelled at me in front of the team. In the future, I would appreciate it if you approached me in private.”
It’s totally okay to poke holes in the other person’s argument or complain about them in your head, but avoid bringing up any grievances in person. Being polite and professional is the best way to get the upper hand in the situation.