Punish or Discipline your Children?
8:25:3 2018-10-11 39

Have you ever thought of why in some countries they don’t make a lot of kids? They say one or maybe two is enough, that’s it!


Pretend it’s not a poor family so you can cross off the only other option which is that they don’t have enough money to support the child.


Now what’s the only reason?


They’re annoying and can get on even the most patient person’s nerves.


Now in my case, I have a 3-year-old boy. He’s not super annoying like some kids but at times he doesn’t get me angry. Like once I remember he was playing with his mom’s phone and I told him to stop because he was playing for a long time. He obviously shook his head and said “Uh Uh I ain’t giving you the phone”. I told him again. Same response. I approach him to snatch the phone away and he end up throwing it on the ground and breaking the screen. You guys don’t know how hard it was for me to keep my cool down and just do nothing.


Other parents might have slapped the kid across the face and left a mark or even I know families who beat with belts.


Now slapping or beating here could make him stop and never throw a phone again but at the same time it could damage his personality, leading him to not loving me anymore. He would hate me.


Forgiving him and not punishing him could make him repeat the same mistake.


There’s also discipline that is basically an alternative way to make him learn that this isn’t right, which sometimes work and sometimes doesn’t.
 

Many people use discipline and punishment interchangeably.


But they are not synonyms.


Discipline and punishment are not the same thing.


Discipline is the practice of training someone to behave in accordance with rules or a code of behavior.


The word, discipline, comes from Latin disciplina (teaching, learning or instruction).


To discipline means to teach.


To teach is to show and explain how to do something. It focuses on teaching the desirable future behavior.


To punish is to inflict suffering for the past behavior.


Effective discipline helps children learn to control their behavior so that they act according to their ideas of what is right and wrong, not because they fear punishment. For example, they are honest because they think it is wrong to be dishonest, not because they are afraid of getting caught.


The purpose of punishment is to stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him.


There are basically two common kinds of punishment

  • Physical punishment - slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, and using a belt or anything you find around the house.
  • Verbal punishment - shaming, ridiculing, using cruel words, saying "I don't love you."


And there are two common kinds of discipline

  • Withholding rewards (grounding) - "You can't use your phone if you don't do your homework."
  • Penalties - "You broke the phone screen so you will have to pay for it with money from your allowance."

 

According to researchers at psychologytoday.com, the first two kinds of punishment, physical and verbal, are not considered to be effective methods and we’ll tell you why soon.


As for the two common methods of discipline - withholding rewards and giving penalties, they can be used either as effective discipline methods - depending on how parents administer them.


Why Doesn't Punishment Work?

Physical punishment usually doesn't work for several reasons. First, it makes the child hate himself and others. It makes the child think that there must be something awfully wrong with him to be treated so badly. If children think they are "bad," then they will act "bad." A vicious cycle is formed.


Children who have been punished feel that they have paid for their misbehavior and are free to misbehave again. In other words, punishing frees the child from feelings of remorse which are needed to prevent future misbehavior.


Parents who use physical punishment are setting an example of using violence to settle problems or solve conflicts, Children imitate their parents' behavior. When parents use physical punishment, children are more likely to use violent acts to settle their conflicts with others.


So, how do you discipline your kids and instill good behavior without punishing them? News18.com mentions six things, let’s take a look:

 

1. Understand Your Child

Children throw tantrums or behave differently when they cannot express or understand their emotions. To grab attention, they scream, shout or hit someone. In this situation, leave everything and try to calm the child rather than overworking yourself. Let them know you understand them and want to help.

 

2. Never Raise Your Voice

When you raise your voice, children only hear the shouting and screaming but do not understand the why behind it. Explain why you got angry or what you didn’t approve, and follow it up with a conversation. Our Arab fathers can’t seem to understand this lol.

 

3. Spend Time Communicating

Children sometimes do not understand what’s going with them or sometimes they don’t want to talk about it to you, but they may be undergoing some stress. Talk with them about their school, friends, daily life, and how everything is going. Become your child’s best friend, you’ll start to feel a connection between you two and that’s a good sign.

 

4. Help them Solve their Problems

Show your children a way that can help solve their problems. Ask them what they think will work and how. Let them use their logic and sense, and help if they seem stuck.

 

5. Teach How to Handle Emotions

Children who are not able to manage their emotions end up frustrated and furious. Encourage them to talk to you when they are unable to understand what’s happening. Let them know you are friends they must turn to rather than asking for help outside.

 

6. Teach Patience

Parents who give in to their child’s demand instantly raise impatient kids. This can be a real struggle as objects can be obtained instantly but emotions, success or life skills cannot be. Teach patience to your kids and be patient yourself.
 

The differences between discipline and punishment are:

Discipline

Punishment

calm tone of voice

angry tone of voice

friendly but firm attitude

hostile attitude

willing to accept the child's decision

unwilling to give a choice

 

To discipline effectively, think about these ideas:

1. Effective discipline methods work better than punishment in teaching children how to behave.

2. The more parents use effective discipline methods, the less children need punishment.

3. There is no excuse for using physical or verbal punishment to discipline a child.

4. Using consequences as a discipline method helps children learn to take responsibility for their behavior.

5. Consequences must be logically related to the misbehavior.

6. The child must see the relationship between his misbehavior and the consequences or it will not work.

7. The child must know he has a choice when consequences are used.

8. Use consequences in a firm, kind, friendly manner.

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