Remember, you are their parent, not their teacher
3:13:26 2023-09-12 316

You obviously want your children to do well in school, to pass their exams with good grades, and you may be thinking in advance about offering them places at better universities. So, you may be tempted to become too involved in their school lives – whether by checking on their assignments or even by wanting to impart your knowledge.

A parent I know asks his children what subjects they studied that week, and then spends half the weekend telling them everything he knows about those subjects (of course he is confident that he knows more than the teachers do about them). What a genius way to alienate your children from education. And burden them with what they cannot bear.

Let us clarify some points: The task of teachers is to convey information to your children and guide them to excel in tests, which is the approved method for measuring the performance of both students and teachers. On the other hand, you are not your children's teacher. You can leave them the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from their mistakes without intervening to correct them. You can focus on providing them with all those important life skills we talked about before (try Rule 11, which is "Love alone is not enough") that school doesn't teach them (and which you can't measure), and which are, in fact, more important than academic achievement. You can encourage them to try new things (holidays abroad, karate lessons, sailing, olive growing), discover new interests, and meet new people. You can encourage them to read more, pay attention to the world around them, ask questions and form their own views.

School can dominate your child's life at certain times, and you should realize this; if you spend your time with them at home, pestering them about their homework, asking them about their performance on this week’s tests, or insisting on telling them everything you know about Henry VIII. The school will thus control every aspect of their lives. If their teachers scold them about something they did wrong, they don't need you to do it again. One time is enough. Do not belittle the value of the school (Rule 62, the content of which is (accept the school with its positives and negatives)) by pointing out, for example, that one of the teachers is narrow-minded, but you can say to your child: “You must implement what the school tells you to do even if you do not agree with it. Since you were reprimanded for your behavior once, I will not do it either,” and then you change the subject.

Yes, I know that kids have to do their homework, and if you don't ask them where their dirty gym clothes are, you won't be able to wash them (and of course you don't have to expect dirty socks in pencil cases), but let them get out of the school environment as quickly as possible, as they get older. As your child gets older, school has more control over their lives, taking on more hours of their day with extra homework and more stress from exams, so it's important that you let them out of the school atmosphere as quickly as possible - and as soon as they get out of it.

This does not mean that you show sincere interest in their academic performance, or discuss topics with them if they show interest. No, what I mean is to give them a degree of calm or space so that they can expand their horizons by thinking about what they are doing.

School can dominate your children's lives at certain times, and you should realize this.

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