2:36:28 
2023-05-25 
560
Guilt is one of the methods used by parents to control their adult children; some parents overuse this method, not realizing that our children are sensitive creatures who may be deeply affected by the simplest feelings of guilt.
The most important aspect of the child's guilt process relates to how much the "child" cares for the parent; Phrases such as: “Your sister calls me every day” or “I know you are busy on weekends, and I wish I was as busy as you are”, are all intended to make the child feel guilty about not spending more time with his father or mother, even if it is a statement such as: “Oh, how lonely I will feel once you leave the house.”
Let's agree on a specific matter; your children don't owe you anything. nothing. And tell me not how much blood, sweat, and tears I shed during the first eighteen years of their lives; they did not ask you to be their father, and since you made the choice to have children, you are therefore responsible for all this effort. You owe them a lot, while they owe you nothing. So it is not healthy to give your children the impression that they owe you something – whether it is time, attention, money or anything else.
Of course, you are an excellent parent and your kids will want to do a lot of things for you. and the fact that they do not owe you these things makes it truly remarkable that they should have given you them; Good children are the ones who will take care of you as you grow up because you deserve it and because they love you. Some children take care of their parents out of guilt, but they don't enjoy it and they get annoyed at their parents for having to do this, and this is what we don't want, of course. You want your child to give you his time and attention in full freedom because you deserve it, and you won't get it if you make him feel guilty.
You must have friends who say things like, "I have to see my dad this weekend since I haven't seen him in a month," or, "I'm busy tonight. My mom used to call me every Wednesday and talk to me for at least two hours on the phone." You may have said phrases like this yourself, but you really want them to say: "I can't do this - I really want to see my dad this week" or "I haven't talked to my mom well for the past two weeks, and I'm dying to talk to her at length." . Get rid of the guilt because whatever they do for you out of guilt, they are able to do weakness without feeling guilty, and you will know that they enjoy it.
The best gift you can give your children is independence - not theirs, but yours; emotionally, socially and financially. If you can do this, then you will free them completely from guilt, and so what they offer you will be out of love alone.
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