Resisting Anti-Immigrant Discourses and Linguicism JOURNEY TO ACCEPTANCE Beginnings
المؤلف:
Tara Goldstein
المصدر:
Teaching and Learning in a Multilingual School
الجزء والصفحة:
P84-C5
2025-09-29
266
Resisting Anti-Immigrant Discourses and Linguicism
JOURNEY TO ACCEPTANCE
Beginnings
... Yesterday I was reading in the Toronto Star and there was an article on how people, not, not only Chinese, are learning Mandarin because of China and Hong Kong. The doors in Mainland China are slowly opening. I am disgraced that other people of other backgrounds learn Mandarin and Cantonese when I, of Chinese background, cannot read or write my own dialect of Chinese ... It's frustrating going into Chinese malls when, where everywhere it's Chinese, and I'm practically illiterate.
Last month when I was shopping at the Bay with my friend, out of the P.A. system came someone speaking Chinese. My friend and I felt embarrassed. What made me feel more embarrassed was that there was a customer that was complaining to a cashier about it and looking directly at me. Sometimes I wish there was a distinct way of separating us Canadian-born ones with the ones from Hong Kong ... Earlier this year I read in the newspaper about how the people in Richmond Hill (a suburb located north of Toronto) were complaining about the signs on the stores. They said that the English is too small and the Chinese is too big on the stores, store signs. There were more complaints but I do not remember them right now ... The Chinese immigrants of the past few years, I heard a lot of them say that they will return to Hong Kong after university, or if, or if Hong Kong is okay [politically and economically stable after the return of Hong Kong to China in July, 1997]. I get mad sometimes when they say that because they are competing for the same spots in university as, as us. And they are changing the whole Toronto, yet they are going back to Hong Kong ...
[Journal entry 1, read aloud in an interview, November 20, 1996]
After reading Evelyn's first journal entry, Ms. Edgars suggested that Evelyn consider doing a painting that expressed how she felt about the Chinese language. The two talked about Evelyn undertaking an abstract painting and then discussed the idea of Evelyn creating her own alphabet or her own language. A third option was Ms. Edgars' suggestion that Evelyn learn how to write in Chinese from one of her classmates from Hong Kong. She thought that the experience of learning to write in Chinese might provide Evelyn with something that she could use for her painting. Taking up Ms. Edgars' third suggestion, Evelyn began learning how to write Chinese characters from several of her classmates who were born and educated in Hong Kong. The characters that Evelyn asked her classmates to teach her were those that had some meaning or relevance for her. Many came from the journal entries she was keeping. The first word that Evelyn asked her classmate Peter to teach her was "Hong Kong."
The black ink brought back all memory, all the memories of Chinese school on Saturday, where the Chinese, where the teacher walked around criticizing the way you held the brush ... For the first couple of characters, I followed Peter's brush stroke. But I sort of knew that he was sort of uneasy 'cause I didn't follow it completely, properly. As well, there was my audience of grade 11 and grade 12s [Evelyn was a grade 13 student] who kept saying that it wasn't right... I really didn't want to disappoint them by writing it wrong ... I felt sort of uncomfortable that everyone was looking at my characters ... [S]ome people in the class were sort of poking fun at my characters ... Sometimes when I am talking to people from Hong Kong, they poke fun at my Chinese if I don't pronounce it clearly. Same thing when I'm speaking English. People poke fun at my pronunciation. I wish I never belonged to either [group], I wish I either belonged to either [one group] or [the other]. I never knew that learning how to write Chinese could in, involve interaction with so many people. Two other grade 11s [who were not critical] came over to see what I was doing. What a surprise! I felt that everyone wanted to be part of my process. And at that, that moment, [came] my peace. It felt great to write Chinese again. Writing Chinese helped me interact more with the grade 11s and 12s, something I wasn't expecting. Even though my Chinese, my Chinese characters are not going to earn me an award, they did help me communicate and learn from other people in the class ...
[Journal entry 2, read aloud in an interview, November 20, 1996]
Final Reflections
My final art piece has evolved from my surroundings, my experiences and myself ... I am a Chinese Canadian born and being raised in Western society with Eastern values and beliefs. Going to a school like Northside with a pre-dominantly Oriental population has given me predominantly Oriental friends ... Not until recently, when flocks of Chinese people have immigrated to Toronto from Hong Kong, have I started to feel lost and uncomfortable with my surroundings ... I felt terrible when people (of Western background) thought I was from Hong Kong because I wasn't. I couldn't read or write Chinese. I couldn't read Chinese signs or menus. I didn't understand all the jokes at the movies or even on TV. I felt terrible when Hong Kong people called me a Banana.1 They poked fun of my pronunciation. I started to feel awkward around Hong Kong people, because I thought I couldn't talk to them. I questioned my spoken Chinese ... It was almost vice versa for Western society. I did know how to speak the language and I did know how to write the language, but I didn't know who each and every [Canadian] entertainer was. I am also a very shy and cautious person, which doesn't make conversation easy ...
... It took me a long time to have my first [writing] lesson. I was scared. I was scared of Peter. I was scared of the brush. I was scared of what the other students would think. I was scared of everything. It wasn't until a couple of characters later that I was more relaxed. I really started to have fun. I talked to many of the grade 12s and they were eager to help me. It wasn't like I thought. People were willing to help you ...
... My feelings have not changed about where I am at right now. I am still in the middle. I am learning to enjoy the advantages and learning to accept the disadvantages. I still can't read or write Chinese, but I will be taking a course in Chinese at [the University of] Waterloo (Mandarin not Cantonese). (I am sort of disappointed, but with Hong Kong switching hands, I understand). I have lost the bitterness I felt toward Hong Kong people, because I had the opportunity to know some of them better. I know that they are losing a home back to China. They don't know what is going to happen in China. Some of them don't even know what they are now. They don't have China citizenship, but they don't have a Canadian passport yet. They don't have a place of birth. They are in the middle, too, like me. I sympathize with them, but when Hong Kong was given back to China on July 1, I felt nothing. I was just an observer of a historical moment in history, but many of my friends were scared of what might happen to their family and friends. I am beginning to see their side of the story. I have become closer to many classmates from this experience. I have learned that there are Chinese people from Hong Kong who want to be your friend and that not all people are mean and cruel.
[Final Reflection, "Tackling the Fine Art of Chinese Brush Writing," July 31, 1997]
1 The term Banana is a derogatory term meaning "Yellow on the outside and White on the inside." The term is used by Asian Americans to refer to other Asian Americans whom they perceive as denying their Asian heritage or identity (from Yang, Gan, and Hon, 1997).
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